Posted on December 19, 2020
Jumanji Transcript
Below is a rough transcript of our Jumanji episode.
Mark 0:00
Welcome to Massive Late Fee. And now your hosts, Mark, and Carol. Well, hello everyone. Welcome back to Massive Late Fee. My name is Mark with me as always is my girlfriend Carol. How you doing Carol? Hey, what’s
Unknown Speaker 0:19
up?
Unknown Speaker 0:19
much it is December 15 1995. I remember that you look very confused.
Carol 0:28
It seems so much later than it actually like should be.
Unknown Speaker 0:33
You don’t think it should be just 10 days till Chris
Unknown Speaker 0:35
say no, I don’t like I feel like it’s December 5 or something.
Unknown Speaker 0:39
It’s December one. Right? It’s, you know, I meant to start with a different month and that’s the joke. But it’s September 15. No, it’s December 15 1995. And I know that because of a very special reason a very special listener.
Unknown Speaker 1:02
Because we got a lovely letter
Unknown Speaker 1:05
from sudarat down in rad myself a little make believe that a cane from u
Unknown Speaker 1:15
to D Martin’s on Oh, I don’t know.
Unknown Speaker 1:18
Oh, sweet. They go knock you off your feet.
Unknown Speaker 1:23
So that’s for you, Susan.
Unknown Speaker 1:26
Susan, Susan. Happy
Unknown Speaker 1:28
birthday.
Unknown Speaker 1:29
Happy birthday, Susan.
Unknown Speaker 1:31
Susan wrote us and said I love your tapes. Hello, my name is Susan. I absolutely love your show. My birthday is the 15th that’s the day your episode comes out since Mark probably needs reminding. He got it right today. All because of you. I know. I’m not having a party this year. And that kind of bums me out. But I get to celebrate with you. And that makes me happy. Oh, we’re happy to celebrate with you too.
Unknown Speaker 1:54
Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker 1:56
Having your show really makes things better and easier. I know it’s silly, but I really feel like you are like friends.
Unknown Speaker 2:02
You are our friends isn’t
Unknown Speaker 2:04
only you never hear what I say to you. Ha that’s that’s funny to like, think of like somebody out there. Like talking back.
Unknown Speaker 2:13
I now know where the voices in my head come from writes good. I am. I will not kill anyone.
Unknown Speaker 2:22
Here’s open. Um, anyway, if you wouldn’t mind, give me a shout out for my birthday on your show. That’d be great. I hope you too. Do get married. You’re such a cute couple. Well, we have to because he’s got to do my laundry.
Unknown Speaker 2:33
That’s right. So maybe we’ll see. Oh, it’s kind of I’m right or wrong.
Unknown Speaker 2:38
Thank you for all the laughs and positivity of your show. It’s like therapy for me. Sincerely, Susan. Thank you so much, Susan.
Unknown Speaker 2:46
Very, very nice ism. Happy birthday, Susan. Hope you’re
Unknown Speaker 2:50
having a fantastic day. Absolutely. Should we sing her happy birthday?
Unknown Speaker 2:54
I think we should write Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Susan. Happy birthday to you.
Unknown Speaker 3:10
Yay. And many more.
Unknown Speaker 3:15
Now, thank you for writing to us, Susan. And I’m glad that we can be a part of your life.
Unknown Speaker 3:22
Yes, it means the world to us. Thank you.
Unknown Speaker 3:25
Being a part of people’s lives, though, is a big responsibility for network anchors. What happened to the network anchor? Well, it’s just I think this is one of those. It’s a slow news day stories. Okay, because the headline of this story is next batch of anchors will challenge tradition. Okay. And then they point out, you know, they talk about Walter Cronkite because I guess Walter Cronkite is the yardstick upon which all television news anchors are measured against right hits and does the anchor roll has long been viewed as the most prestigious in network journalism. I suppose if you’re on one of those big, the big national ones Sure. And men who attain it usually stay at their desks for years. What about women? There are no women anchors? There are no women anchors are also no black men anchors every anchor for a major television network in in my memory anyway has always been basically a middle aged white man.
Unknown Speaker 4:28
What the fuck? That’s not right. Well, that’s how it is get it together people.
Unknown Speaker 4:34
Dan Rather of CBS is 63 Peter Jennings of ABC is 57 and Tom, Tom buco of NBC is 55 so they’re aging out he has held his job for more than a decade. None talks retiring soon. I don’t know why, why they wouldn’t necessarily. And last month, NBC gave Brian Williams 36 the white house correspondent and Substitute anchor, a contract that will pay him more than one and a half million dollars a year through the year 2000 tacitly anointing him his broker successor and another perpetrator of the concrete con Cronkite’s tradition. I don’t know what do they mean just a white male? Or do they mean because Walter Cronkite was on CBS. Tom? Yeah, Tom, not Tom Brokaw of NBC. But Dan, rather, of CBS is the one that took over for Walter Cronkite and supposedly keeps up the Cronkite tradition.
Unknown Speaker 5:38
I I want to understand why they make a million and a half dollars a year.
Unknown Speaker 5:43
Oh, you know, I guess yeah. Yeah, I don’t know. I guess there’s there’s money in it, I suppose. Right. advertising dollars.
Unknown Speaker 5:51
I guess. Um, I want some of that. I guess I’m gonna be what what kind of degree do you need to be a
Unknown Speaker 5:57
journalism I would assume,
Unknown Speaker 5:59
even though they’re not writing, they’re they’re reading off a teleprompter and smiling and a camera.
Unknown Speaker 6:06
Yes. Although, I mean, to be fair, Dan, rather did report on when Walter Cronkite did the whole I mean, famous for the Kennedy assassination, you know, and all that stuff. Dan, rather was the person like getting into Parkland Hospital, he was in Dallas. He was like the correspondent on the scene, giving updates to Walter Cronkite. So I mean, you know, like he did, he earned his stripes a little bit in journalism. But it’s so it actually points out what you said. That’s what it’s talking about with the Cronkite tradition. Um, the three major television networks bring a pleasant respectable looking middle aged white men into American homes to deliver the day’s news. So that’s what they’re talking about. And I guess what they’re saying is that they should they should diversify that into, you know, maybe maybe a Blackman here or there or a female them.
Unknown Speaker 7:02
Well, I guess, I’m guessing it’ll be a black man before it will be a woman because that’s how, you know, voting went. So
Unknown Speaker 7:11
that is how voting once the amendment although in the south women, women had, I mean, black men technically had the right to vote before white women, but black people weren’t really allowed to vote until after the Voting Rights Act and the Civil Rights Act. Mid 60s. So in the south Anyway, there were a lot of barriers to it. But yes, that is true. constitutionally. Men were favored above women even if they weren’t black
Unknown Speaker 7:45
penis before skin,
Unknown Speaker 7:47
apparently I guess I don’t know. Speaking of penis before skin though,
Unknown Speaker 7:52
dollar skin
Unknown Speaker 7:53
Don’t worry. Yeah, there was a pump there that we missed out on. We did penis before skin. We’re let
Unknown Speaker 8:03
we’re letting them slip by tonight.
Unknown Speaker 8:05
Um, but don’t let fago slip by your skin or penis. I guess. They’re talking about they’re talking about the Insane Clown Posse. Okay, a local group that is becoming all the rage.
Unknown Speaker 8:24
They sound like fucking horror movie characters.
Unknown Speaker 8:27
Well, they’re that’s sort of like a horror kind of you know, the shaggy two dope. They, they they take Figo, and they spray it all over their. Their fans.
Unknown Speaker 8:43
I would not like that. Do you like that? No,
Unknown Speaker 8:45
but I don’t want you I’ve no further music. Uh huh. It’s not really for me. It’s kind of it’s kind of like rap.
Unknown Speaker 8:51
They’re white guys. Oh, God. More white rappers. Come on, but they’re from
Unknown Speaker 8:55
Detroit’s.
Unknown Speaker 8:56
That doesn’t make it better. least they have that. I guess.
Unknown Speaker 9:01
But I mean, they’re not from Beverly Hills. Well, David know about the streets. That’s true. This isn’t 9021. But listen to the 902 Yeah, it was a good one. Actually. I think it was a really good episode. Let’s do it. Anyway, so they spray their fans with Vega and they’re like they’re talking all about what do you think of the Insane Clown Posse? What do you think of fago all over your face? You
Unknown Speaker 9:22
know, Fado is a distinctly Michigan thing too. So yeah, it makes sense that that’s what they would use. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 9:28
yeah. They’re from here. They’re trying to I like I like when people who are from here really represent being from here, and are in everyone’s face about being rich. Like how Tom Selleck, where’s that? Detroit Tigers camp? Yeah, and he was Magnum PI, or that Tigers capitalist. That’s
Unknown Speaker 9:46
cool,
Unknown Speaker 9:46
very iconic look. And I like that. I like when I like yeah, I’m from Michigan.
Unknown Speaker 9:52
What’s your favorite flavor of vago?
Unknown Speaker 9:53
Hmm, that’s an interesting question. I would say either red pop or Some cream soda. I love cream.
Unknown Speaker 10:02
Oh god cream soda is nails. I
Unknown Speaker 10:03
know you don’t like the cream.
Unknown Speaker 10:05
I like great.
Unknown Speaker 10:07
Grapes pretty good too. But yeah,
Unknown Speaker 10:10
grapes the best. The same. I
Unknown Speaker 10:12
think red pops the best.
Unknown Speaker 10:14
Red pops good. But great.
Unknown Speaker 10:17
What about rockin rye rock and rye? Oh,
Unknown Speaker 10:19
I like that either. Like rock, rock and rise
Unknown Speaker 10:21
more cream soda, too. I like rock and roll.
Unknown Speaker 10:23
Yeah, they taste like like candy bars or something in a soda. Yeah. Sweet. It’s too sweet to sweets. I mean, I like to drink black coffee. So obviously I’m not gonna like fucking cream soda. That’s right.
Unknown Speaker 10:37
You like your coffee like you like your night sky? Black and full of stars. Sure. Sometimes. Sometimes I pour chicken and star soup.
Unknown Speaker 10:55
I’m moving on there. Alright, so
Unknown Speaker 10:57
next week. Susan. I’m speaking directly to Susan from now on.
Unknown Speaker 11:06
May we can’t forget about Oh, yes. Our other friends of Medea. Well, yes. Yeah. Medea Who? Who pointed out
Unknown Speaker 11:17
some stuff.
Unknown Speaker 11:19
Right? Sure. Yeah. Mateus always pointing out stuff.
Unknown Speaker 11:23
But our friend Medea has gone back and is listening to our old tapes, which I think is really, really awesome. Thank you. Yes. And our friend who’s not styled bingeing them. Right, Scott, thank you. That’s us. I was having trouble coming up with his name Scott, our other friend. Yeah, we have three friends of the show now. Right. So
Unknown Speaker 11:42
Scott, Susan, and Medea. I want the three of you to form a band.
Unknown Speaker 11:52
The late fee. retros.
Unknown Speaker 11:54
There you go. Oh, anyway. So before we go on our little next week, that’s what I’m saying. Yeah. Next week. We have we’re off. But we’re going to present you with a best of Episode The Best of 1995. Whoo. Is it really the best? I don’t know.
Unknown Speaker 12:15
It’s whatever he happened to think was funny. It’s the best I could find.
Unknown Speaker 12:20
So that’s coming out next week. And then the week after that, we’ll be off for the holidays. And then in January, the first week of January. I think it’s January 5.
Unknown Speaker 12:30
We’ll be starting season three
Unknown Speaker 12:32
be back season 319. Nine will be in 1996.
Unknown Speaker 12:36
How crazy starting season three. Did you anticipate that we would be doing the show two years later when it started? I don’t know. I really did not
Unknown Speaker 12:47
know you thought you’d flame out. Yes.
Unknown Speaker 12:51
Completely. I thought it would be me too. Yes.
Unknown Speaker 12:53
Well, we have to stay for Susan
Unknown Speaker 12:56
and Scott and Medea do
Unknown Speaker 12:57
and anyone else that’s listening out there that hasn’t written in yet but if you haven’t written in yet right in yet,
Unknown Speaker 13:04
get on it.
Unknown Speaker 13:06
But before before so this this will be our basically our last live show. Until 1996. Yeah, so after the holidays, but four four before we leave, I want to do another little massive love for everybody. I found some that I thought were fairly interesting. needed colon one silent colon but needed one strong a massive muscular BMI.
Unknown Speaker 13:38
Holy shit.
Unknown Speaker 13:39
I mean, I assume that means black male. It when you read it like that, it sounds bad. Okay, this one strong massive masculine or masculine BM sought by very feminine healthy discreet white male. Big fun. What does that mean? So when? When he says big fun? What do you think that means? Because he can’t mean his penis is big, right? Because he wants a masculine black male. And he’s a very feminine healthy industry white male.
Unknown Speaker 14:15
Well, maybe he wants a big penis in his butt.
Unknown Speaker 14:18
But he said maybe his boss big big fun Hmm
Unknown Speaker 14:22
Maybe Maybe he’s gonna wear Insane Clown Posse big shoes and that would be big fun Oh
Unknown Speaker 14:33
no, but he’s not spring faygo
Unknown Speaker 14:35
oh god maybe he is no no the pictures make them stop
Unknown Speaker 14:42
ah willing to relocate. Question mark for this person that you’ve just wow. Not even met but just read an odd thing about on the the newspaper.
Unknown Speaker 14:54
Well, if you’d be willing to relocate, maybe you’d be willing to do that.
Unknown Speaker 14:58
Willing to relocate attractive, honest, caring sincere gay white male 29 blonde blue eyes so slim. I don’t know what that means. I in search of Oh, insert on thank you and search in search of slim, younger brother type.
Unknown Speaker 15:21
What is wrong with you
Unknown Speaker 15:22
know 18 to 29 no lasting relationship, and then in parentheses lancing.
Unknown Speaker 15:30
No no no, no, no.
Unknown Speaker 15:34
I want a younger brother type.
Unknown Speaker 15:36
He’s lying when he says 18 to 29. You mean
Unknown Speaker 15:39
60?
Unknown Speaker 15:41
He means 18. Or, or under?
Unknown Speaker 15:44
Oh my goodness.
Unknown Speaker 15:46
We need to like notify the police and get some, like,
Unknown Speaker 15:51
separate him from his family willing to read them. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 15:54
right. Come visit me in Lansing. Here. I’ll
Unknown Speaker 15:57
drive you there this black veil? Yeah, I don’t know. A black married couple looking for an attractive black slash white female. 18. Or sorry? 19 to 230. But no, I’m
Unknown Speaker 16:12
sorry. How old? No.
Unknown Speaker 16:15
December 15. is December 15. Attractive black slash white female 19 to 30 for a drug free fantasy? What drug free?
Unknown Speaker 16:27
Do people bring drugs to casual sex hookups friend, they are responding to these like, it’s not the first person who’s been like, no drugs.
Unknown Speaker 16:38
It’d be one. It’d be funny in a movie if they ever ever did these kind of weird, like you said three way hookups in the movie. But someone’s like coming to the door and you can you know, they knock on the door. And then on the other side, you hear the couple talking like yeah, I can’t wait for this great. You know, drug free fantasy we’re about to head and then the person like kind of looks up with their eyes are wide, and there’s just white powder all over their nose. Drug Free.
Unknown Speaker 17:08
Nobody said anything about that.
Unknown Speaker 17:11
Married Middle Eastern male Fuck off.
Unknown Speaker 17:15
He’s married. Because he was
Unknown Speaker 17:20
racisms coming up fast on this. Married Middle Eastern male looking for a single white female for exotic kids.
Unknown Speaker 17:30
Yeah, I’m sure I’m sure it would be exotic.
Unknown Speaker 17:33
He should have written. Come write my match.
Unknown Speaker 17:37
Right.
Unknown Speaker 17:39
Sir, if you if you haven’t nicknamed your penis, the magic carpet. And you are missing.
Unknown Speaker 17:47
Oh, my goodness.
Unknown Speaker 17:48
No. So Middle Eastern. He’s married. What do you think he wants to do? Some he wants to do some
Unknown Speaker 17:54
he wants to do some stuff that he wouldn’t do to his wife.
Unknown Speaker 17:57
Yeah. Yeah. It’s like a infidel.
Unknown Speaker 18:03
Oh, good. We
Unknown Speaker 18:03
don’t even know if he’s Muslim. Yeah, I
Unknown Speaker 18:05
mean, I don’t mean to be like,
Unknown Speaker 18:08
I mean, I mean to be but only for the sake of I mean, we have for actual racism.
Unknown Speaker 18:15
We have a lot of you know, Muslim neighbors. Yes. in Dearborn heights there. Yes. Dearborn. Dearborn. So, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 18:23
it’s where the deer were born. Ah, let’s see. I think that’s it. Cat. No, I’ve
Unknown Speaker 18:28
got magic carpet like in my head like that Stephen wolf song.
Unknown Speaker 18:32
That what Stephen what
Unknown Speaker 18:33
is what is called Steppenwolf? Steppenwolf. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 18:37
To Yeah, rap between the sound machine that’s uh, how, how’s it ends? That my favorite. My favorite part is towards the end of the, I think first verse, the second verse. It says
Unknown Speaker 18:58
can’t remember, but he’s talking about the the lamp and everything. He’s like, Oh, yeah. Last night. I found a magic lamp. Yeah. And so I wish that I could stay before the thing could answer me Well, someone came into the lamp away. I looked all around the house it candles all I found him. look good. Devin wolf. It’s a great song.
Unknown Speaker 19:21
It does not speak to a drug free time though.
Unknown Speaker 19:24
That’s not a drug free adventure. Listening to Steppenwolf. Wow, that’s a that’s a very that’s a very drug fueled adventure. Ah, yeah, that’s pretty much it. I only had a few. But I was like, you know, we should do one more. You know, for for old times sake. Yeah, it’s fun. I want to try to do one a month. So when I you know when i when i go through the newspapers as they come out. Next year, I’m going to try to once a month I’m going to try to do one
Unknown Speaker 20:00
From the heart is my favorite segment.
Unknown Speaker 20:02
I think we should love whatever well speaking from the hearts but it’s actually called in the massive loves what we deemed it.
Unknown Speaker 20:11
I i’ve deemed it The Lonely Hearts Club. Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Unknown Speaker 20:17
Well, speaking of lonely hearts, we watched a sister Sister.
Unknown Speaker 20:21
Yeah, I don’t really think they’re lonely but Sure.
Unknown Speaker 20:23
Well, they’re never lonely because they have each other.
Unknown Speaker 20:26
It’s your need for segue is I got it. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 20:29
Do you think what if they would if they were on massive love? twins cheese when black females, but
Unknown Speaker 20:37
they’re only like 15
Unknown Speaker 20:39
looking for the older brothers.
Unknown Speaker 20:41
Oh, God. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 20:45
I guess it would be a little brother for the sitcom. Right? Because that’s what that’s what they always do. Like Oliver. They already have a little fun. There are a bunch is that that that little kid was their little brother.
Unknown Speaker 20:54
No, I’m saying a little brother type like their next door neighbor, Roger.
Unknown Speaker 20:58
Okay, he’s a little brother type. They vote Yeah, they’ve already they’ve already cast their annoying kids. ratings.
Unknown Speaker 21:05
But yeah, this was this was a Christmasy kind of episode. This
Unknown Speaker 21:09
was just the title of the episode was Christmas. Was it?
Unknown Speaker 21:13
Yes. Oh, wow. Wow, that was um, they were really not shooting very high for the originality there.
Unknown Speaker 21:19
No, earlier this season, they had an episode. There was their Halloween episode. It was titled Halloween.
Unknown Speaker 21:24
What the frick.
Unknown Speaker 21:27
Oh, anyway, so yeah. You want me to how do you want to do this? You want to go through the movie? I’ll go through this. Or vice versa.
Unknown Speaker 21:34
I’ll go through this. You go through the movie. Alright.
Unknown Speaker 21:36
So what movies we watch on remember? Oh, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 21:38
Jumanji? So all right. It sounds sinister.
Unknown Speaker 21:45
That’s how it starts out.
Unknown Speaker 21:48
But we’ve got the two young ladies are talking about going Christmas shopping and how much you which ones to marry? I do not know.
Unknown Speaker 21:56
One of them’s got curly hair than the other one. No. And I think that’s Tia. I disagree. There’s four more curls in tears Tamara’s hair Maoris?
Unknown Speaker 22:09
One of them saved up $490. Right, Tia
Unknown Speaker 22:14
and the other? You don’t know. I think
Unknown Speaker 22:20
it’s like the Patty Duke show, which we weirdly referenced recently. Yes. But it’s like the Patty Duke show. One of them is all rock and roll and, and I take no responsibility for anything. Because they’re twins. So they have to have distinct personalities. They can’t just both be normal people reds. Otherwise, how would you tell them apart?
Unknown Speaker 22:42
So we got $409 and the other ones like Ah, geez, what this means between the two of us we have $498
Unknown Speaker 22:51
Uh huh. Very very original joke.
Unknown Speaker 22:57
So they’re all excited to go shopping and
Unknown Speaker 23:01
I will say though, I kind of like the show.
Unknown Speaker 23:04
Yeah, I Android watches
Unknown Speaker 23:06
is dumb is it is that like, first of all, Tia and tamera Mowery are both really charming. And they like they’ll talk to the camera and stuff like that. And I’m so many shows. It wouldn’t work. Right. But they’re really they’re both really charming people. And you know, works and I love Tim Reid. Who was venus flytrap on Wk RP in Cincinnati. Wow. years ago and he is from this area.
Unknown Speaker 23:35
Thank you, Grandpa again.
Unknown Speaker 23:37
And jaquet from two to seven.
Unknown Speaker 23:41
It’s like you’re speaking another language Mary
Unknown Speaker 23:43
from MIDI studio seven. Come on. Nope. Oh, Sherman Helmsley was on this episode. Cool. He was moving on. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 23:51
yeah. I remember him.
Unknown Speaker 23:53
Anyway. So Ah, but they’re they’re all good. Right. Jackie is great. Tim reid is great. You know, the kids are great.
Unknown Speaker 24:01
So even though I really really, really great even.
Unknown Speaker 24:08
Even though it’s a shittily written sitcom. That’s not that funny. They all four of them elevate this. They make it better than it is on the written page. Because they’re better than the writers. Hmm. That’s my opinion. No offense, the writers.
Unknown Speaker 24:26
I’d have to agree. I also like that it takes place in Detroit. It does.
Unknown Speaker 24:29
It’s all about our hometown, Michigan. They reference Lavonia.
Unknown Speaker 24:34
Yeah. Which is like where I live. So that’s kind of exciting.
Unknown Speaker 24:38
Yeah, well, don’t don’t don’t give them any. Don’t give them any like real close. Anything. Don’t show up at her house. That’s not obviously.
Unknown Speaker 24:47
Okay. Anyway, um,
Unknown Speaker 24:53
the grandpa comes knocking at the door come and knock on our door and is all excited He’s all excited to see him and it’s Josephus he’s acting like has been since doing so good. And he’s got a
Unknown Speaker 25:08
bunch of tea rooms Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 25:09
what the hell’s a tea room by the way?
Unknown Speaker 25:11
Let’s see room is a it’s like a coffee shop sort of it’s an alternative to a coffee shop.
Unknown Speaker 25:15
Okay. And it turns out that he actually has you know borrowed $1,000 from the mob and they are ambling desk after him to you know, fucking like break his kneecaps or
Unknown Speaker 25:27
the big Russian mob or the big Italian mob like scene that we have in Detroit. We don’t have I mean, they’re there. They’re around, but it’s not a big we don’t have a big we have a big Middle Eastern mob scene in Detroit speaking. Middle East, right? No, you know, I’m not gonna say anything, because I’m a good I’m a good guy. I’m not a bad guy, Greg or whatever.
Unknown Speaker 25:49
What the hell?
Unknown Speaker 25:50
I’m not turning them. I’m not I’m not a stoolie I’m not a snitch.
Unknown Speaker 25:55
So, yeah, the mobster knocks on the door and tells the teenage girl that her grandpa owes him money.
Unknown Speaker 26:02
So it’s such a weird conversation. Yeah. So hey, what’s up
Unknown Speaker 26:06
that she decided to give him her $498 so they have no money now to she knows what
Unknown Speaker 26:12
Vegas to By the way, what’s big vigorish? It’s basically the commission that you have to pay. It’s the interest.
Unknown Speaker 26:19
Okay. Well, yeah, she said she just watched a documentary or something
Unknown Speaker 26:23
on the mafia, which doesn’t exist. That’s what they say, you know.
Unknown Speaker 26:28
So she gives away all their Christmas money and she goes to the mall and tells her sister so they decide they have to get jobs got
Unknown Speaker 26:34
to get jobs.
Unknown Speaker 26:35
Oh, no.
Unknown Speaker 26:37
regulars.
Unknown Speaker 26:38
And the grandpa also is deciding to get a job to try to make the money.
Unknown Speaker 26:42
He becomes Santa Claus. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 26:44
he did. Because they arrest Santa Claus. Yeah, in front of all the children.
Unknown Speaker 26:48
It’s so weird. I mean, he is he is shoplifting. But which very clearly he’s wearing a bunch of watches. Right? But still, like, you can’t just be like, Hey, can I talk to you over here? For sure.
Unknown Speaker 27:01
I mean, the kids are all sad. Like no Santa say any. So and those are real
Unknown Speaker 27:05
kids.
Unknown Speaker 27:06
Right? And then, right? Oh, God, I didn’t really think about what happens a little kid actors and actresses when they’re exposed to
Unknown Speaker 27:14
that’s why the alternative drugs die young. Right? Because they they cuz Santa,
Unknown Speaker 27:20
but I mean, so they see see it I get current sadness. It’s
Unknown Speaker 27:24
that’s what it’s called.
Unknown Speaker 27:26
And then, you know, he gets replaced with like, this was a white Santa. And now there’s a black Santa. But these kids are supposed to believe that you know, Santa is this one dude. And I know it’s these these helpers.
Unknown Speaker 27:38
helpers in the mall. Right?
Unknown Speaker 27:39
You think so? But they all seem to really believe it was Santa Santa
Unknown Speaker 27:43
Santa Santa. Looks like the Santa Claus where he kills Santa.
Unknown Speaker 27:53
Oh my god, what’s
Unknown Speaker 27:53
what they believe?
Unknown Speaker 27:55
I mean, I guess if they think that the police kill Santa. What the hell is happening in this show?
Unknown Speaker 28:02
You would have to grunt
Unknown Speaker 28:04
so one of the girls gets a job wrapping presence and the other one gets a job as a elf. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 28:10
Santas helper. Yeah, I guess the the responsible one is Santos helper. And the irresponsible one is wrapping gifts check. But they make it sound like she’s such a mess up. She wraps this gift. It’s all this very expensive China. And this woman starts carrying it out in the bottom breaks out of the box and all the Chinese spills. And I’m like, that’s the boxes full right? That’s whoever box that’s false. I mean, maybe she she maybe she boxed it. And she put too much chignon in one box, maybe. But I mean, they definitely wasn’t holding it by the bottom like she should have been.
Unknown Speaker 28:50
Yeah. They definitely blamed her. It was not her fault. Whatever.
Unknown Speaker 28:53
It is the wrapping paper supposed to hold the integrity of the box.
Unknown Speaker 28:58
So then, the next day the mob comes back.
Unknown Speaker 29:02
Because he wants us other 500 bucks.
Unknown Speaker 29:03
Yeah, he took 500 He’s like, I’ll be back tomorrow for the rest. Yep. So now the mom gives him 500 bucks and so she could only afford to buy each of the girls one present. And they’re also sad because you know, everybody wants a million presents for Christmas.
Unknown Speaker 29:18
That’s not right anyway. But they do they have this message that like giving gifts is better than receiving? Yeah. Yeah. Ham fisted message.
Unknown Speaker 29:27
They do. They do. And um, you know, they’re all like, Oh, we love each other. And then the grandpa. What How did he get money in or where he got money?
Unknown Speaker 29:35
Well, the Oh, how did you get the other money?
Unknown Speaker 29:38
Yeah, because he comes in with all these presents that he bought.
Unknown Speaker 29:41
Oh, I remember now. Did you did you say that Jackie gave the the mob guy the other 500 Yeah, okay. Ah, I’m sorry. I was only barely listening.
Unknown Speaker 29:51
Like all the rest of the time, my mouths are moved my mouth.
Unknown Speaker 29:56
You’ve got two legs and two mouths and long hair and boobs.
Unknown Speaker 30:02
two legs, everything.
Unknown Speaker 30:06
Yeah, no, your mouth is moving. But I was looking at other stuff, I guess. I don’t know. Anyway, looking at those two legs, right? Hey, I’ll tell you that goes back to our mermaid. Gotta have two legs gotta anyway, so, um, was I saying, Oh, yeah, he everyone someone saw how great he was. And they wanted him to turn to teach at USC. Oh, yeah. Which I picked up right away. But of course they go with the one of them says here tomorrow’s like, oh, the University of Southern California. No University of Santa Claus. Why would anyone have looked at him playing Santa and being like, hey, there’s a professor for USC.
Unknown Speaker 30:54
And you know, Christmas Eve, that’s the night he’s gonna go and make $1,000 teaching Santos.
Unknown Speaker 30:59
Yeah, it makes no sense. Anyway, maybe it’s a signing bonus. Sure. I think that’s I think that’s code for I killed the guy. Right, but as I said, it’s in Lavonia. That’s the other thing too, a black guy willingly going to lavona
Unknown Speaker 31:16
Yeah. Yeah, that’s that. That’s true.
Unknown Speaker 31:20
It makes it very suspicious. Anyway, shout out to Livonia.
Unknown Speaker 31:28
Yeah, um,
Unknown Speaker 31:32
so anyway. But yeah, that’s basically the episode. He pays them back. And everyone like Tim Reid buys a bunch of presents for him.
Unknown Speaker 31:40
Yep. And everybody’s happy. And they all love each other.
Unknown Speaker 31:43
That’s the important part of it. Right? It was cute. Roger wants tips on how to play. What is this? Trying to play? monopoly? Yeah. He wants tips on how to, like be successful monopoly.
Unknown Speaker 31:59
That wasn’t Roger. That was a little kid sitting on his lap. Oh, I
Unknown Speaker 32:02
thought that little kid was Oh,
Unknown Speaker 32:04
Rogers. neighbor. Oh, I brought in the Christmas tree.
Unknown Speaker 32:09
teeny like little brother type. Okay, he’s kind of like,
Unknown Speaker 32:12
he’s about the same ages. He’s probably the same age, but he looks like younger and smaller and stuff. But then they they hold mistletoe over his head. And they both give my kiss on the cheek, which when it’s present to him cute, but then he passed out.
Unknown Speaker 32:25
The present to him was a boner. So blood inducing.
Unknown Speaker 32:30
I did not like that. I did not like that image. No.
Unknown Speaker 32:34
Oh, that’s the image you had you thought the same thing? Yes. That’s what? I’m sure that’s not what the what the you know,
Unknown Speaker 32:45
the writers were Thank you. A family
Unknown Speaker 32:46
show was going for
Unknown Speaker 32:48
I’m sure.
Unknown Speaker 32:50
Well, speaking of family stuff. It’s a family time of year.
Unknown Speaker 32:55
It is I can’t wait for Christmas. I love Christmas. Me too. But we also watched a movie. We did. We watched Jumanji,
Unknown Speaker 33:03
what did you think of Jumanji?
Unknown Speaker 33:05
Well, honestly, I didn’t have very high expectations. Um, you know, I’m not the hugest fan of kids movies. And, you know, I do really like Robin Williams. So you know, there was that, but I thought it was going to be pretty hokey. But it turned out to be pretty good. I mean, it is hokey. But it’s also like thrilling and keeps you like engaged and kind of on the edge of your seat, caring about what’s happening with the characters the whole time. So
Unknown Speaker 33:35
that’s the thing is like, I don’t know that I’d necessarily call it a kid’s movie, per se. I think it’s a movie that kids can watch and enjoy. I think it’s just more of like a roller coaster. Type movie,
Unknown Speaker 33:48
a family movie, because everyone can enjoy it.
Unknown Speaker 33:50
Yeah. But yeah, it’s it’s pretty good. I have questions. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 33:55
yeah.
Unknown Speaker 33:56
I mean, let’s we’ll talk a little bit about the movie but I have questions about how this world works. Sure. So if you haven’t seen it, why are you listening to these tapes? We got it. We got a week off. Go watch the race and then listen to to this tape. But it basically Robin Williams plays a 12 year old boy who gets
Unknown Speaker 34:20
know Robin Williams does not play a 12 year old boy.
Unknown Speaker 34:22
I know. Some other dude that looks vaguely like Robin Williams might have when he was a kid plays a 12 year old boy and a Bonnie Hunt type plays Bonnie hunts as a little girl. Right? And they play this game of Jumanji what she discovered at his dad’s shoe factory, and he gets sucked into the jungle. She runs away because of bats with weird faces attacking her,
Unknown Speaker 34:47
which it says he can’t get out until somebody rolls a three or a five. And she runs away and doesn’t roll the fucking dice.
Unknown Speaker 34:54
And then 26 years later, a little boy and the vampire from interviewing The little girl vampire from interview with a vampire. Kirsten Dunst.
Unknown Speaker 35:05
It was interesting to see her not a vampire, right?
Unknown Speaker 35:07
Not a creepy little girl that wants to suck people’s blood. But anyway, so they find they find the the game and they start to play and one of the roles of five, Robin Williams pops out 26 years older. Yeah, yep. That’s basically what happens. And then the rest of the movie is an excuse for fantastical things coming out, like giant mosquitoes and monkeys and Elian. And this guy that’s played by the same characters is dad trying to hunt him down? Right or same actress his dad didn’t care. Really? I didn’t realize that same guy. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 35:48
Interesting.
Unknown Speaker 35:49
So yeah, bunch of weird stuff. And it’s all in the service of this like big adventure. Yeah. And there’s not a ton of plot that goes along with it. I guess that’s true. Although, the strength of and again, I’m going to be complimentary to actors, just in case you want to mock me. But the the strength of Robin Williams and Bonnie hunts, and Kirsten Dunst.
Unknown Speaker 36:15
Right. And her brother,
Unknown Speaker 36:16
yeah, brother is pretty good, too. I mean, he doesn’t have as much to play with right as the other three. But they, they especially Robin Williams and Bonnie Hunt, though. They really I buy that relation.
Unknown Speaker 36:27
Yeah, I like I like that. Like, it’s like they had a crush on each other when they’re kids. And now they’re see each other again. There’s a little flirtation, but not really.
Unknown Speaker 36:35
Yeah. And there’s there’s almost no dialogue to develop their relationship. Yeah, there’s almost no dialogue to develop the relationship. There’s almost no scenes to develop their relationship. But it works because they have good chemistry together. Body you know, obviously Robin Williams is a big like improviser and you know, this like big comic force, but he can tone it down a little bit when he needs to, which he does here. I plays it a little smaller than you would imagine. He might. And Bonnie Hunt was another gifted comedian works really well with him. And she meshes well with his style of comedy. And they just have really good chemistry together. And it works by by the, when they get together at the end. I believe that
Unknown Speaker 37:22
and it’s so cute because they get together to like the kids. Because basically they undo when they beat the game they undo everything that happens. Yeah, cuz the game says everything will go back to basically everything resets to the conditions before you started playing the game. Because like everything is completely tore up, like tore up there’s vines the houses cracked in half. There’s flooding. there’s just tons of crap. So yeah, it all goes back. But it goes back 26 years to like their kids again, they get to relive their whole life. Like his the memories, his parents,
Unknown Speaker 37:58
his parents had both died in 91. Yeah. Very close to each other one was May one was August. Yeah. And the Kirsten Dunst and her brother, their their parents died in a like a ski accident or something like that, or car accident accident when they were going to go out when they were on a skiing trip. And so that all gets like he said, that all gets undone. And they’re Yeah, they have these memories. So, I mean, this leads into the questions like, what is this world? Like? What is this game? This game? Like, not only can it teleport things, to and from some weird dimension, right? Another dimension, some other realm, but it also has dominion over space and time. Like what the fuck
Unknown Speaker 38:46
is some serious magic?
Unknown Speaker 38:49
Where did this come from? How does it work? I have so many questions. If they make a sequel, I want to see what’s in the game. And the jungle they came from.
Unknown Speaker 39:00
That would be interesting. Well, you know, the, the movie starts it’s 100 years before? Yeah. And some kids buried it. And then the movie ends because the kids through through it with rocks into
Unknown Speaker 39:15
the ocean base.
Unknown Speaker 39:16
Right? But it washes up on a beach.
Unknown Speaker 39:19
Yeah, some Japanese girls find it.
Unknown Speaker 39:22
So it’s all going to happen again when we get Hello Kitty.
Unknown Speaker 39:27
But yeah, it’s you know, it’s weird. Like, what do you think? What do you like? What can’t this thing do? Like this thing is like a guy. It can’t die. Yeah, that’s one thing. It’s like a god. It has dominion over every aspect of reality and it’s a mortal. I
Unknown Speaker 39:43
want to know why they don’t just burn it or chop it up or something. I bet you something terrible would happen.
Unknown Speaker 39:48
Yeah, it would start to eat you. Yeah, it’s like a curse. It is. This board game is like a curse. It’s very,
Unknown Speaker 39:57
very weird. It’s like
Unknown Speaker 39:59
you No. And this game lasted longer than even games of Monopoly 26 years,
Transcribed by https://otter.ai